Ah, the mom shower.
Mom Shower noun. The 5 minutes a mother spends in the morning (or afternoon) frantically try to clean herself, daring to leave her children alone, and hoping that during that 5 minutes they don’t burn down the house or kill each other.
Not exactly the most relaxing part of my day. If you have young kids I’m sure that “mom shower” needs no further explaining. You get it. You’ve been there…every day probably.
But yesterday. Yesterday brought a whole new level of insanity to my “mom shower”. No houses were burned, no black eyes were given, but it was insane nonetheless.
Here is what transpired….
9:30 am– I hop in the shower for a nice, refreshing shower and shave.
9:33 am– In bursts Little Brother (age 2 1/2). ”Mom! Big Brother is trying to play with me!”
Uhhh, I think I missed something here. “Isn’t that what he’s supposed to do?”
Little Brother: “But I don’t want him to play with me!”
Me: “He’s just trying to be nice and he wants to play with you because he loves you. You don’t have to play with him though. Just tell him you don’t want to play right now.”
“Okay!” and out he runs.
“And don’t forget to shut the bathroom door!” I call after him.
9:35 am– In come both boys. ”Mom, my Jedi robe won’t stay on. I need you to put a snap on it!” Laments/demands Big Brother.
“Well, I can’t put a snap on it while I’m in the shower.”
“Oh, come on!”
Seriously, what is he thinking? I’m naked, dripping wet, and have soap in my hair. Not to mention my snaps and snap pliers are still packed in a box who knows where.
“How about I straighten the robe for you so it doesn’t feel like it is falling off?”
“Okay” he replies in his most tragic voice (and believe me, this boy can do tragic). Both boys trudge, looking quite defeated, out of the bathroom.
“And don’t forget to shut the door!” I call.
9:36 am– They’re back. Joy.
“Mom! I really need a snap! Right now!”
“Bud, I already told you. I CAN NOT do it while I’m in the shower. You’re going to have to wait til I get out.” (And if you’ll give me 5 minutes peace I may finish before the end of the century!)
“Ah, this is terrible!!! This is the worst day EVER!”
I’m not even going to go there on his “worst day ever”. It is a common theme in his 5 year old life lately.
“Guys, go play. I’ll be out of the shower in 5 minutes and I’ll do whatever you need then.”
They leave. Thank goodness…but they forgot to shut the door.
9:37 am– Little Brother has come in to make a report. “Mom, Big Brother is mad at you.”
“Alright, thanks for telling me. Now, you go play.”
“Don’t forget to shut the door!” I call after him…yet again.
9:37 and 30 seconds am– He’s back. “Mom, Big Brother is very mad at you.”
“Thanks for letting me know buddy. I’ll be out in a minute and I’ll talk to him then.”
“And shut the door!”
9:38 am– He’s back…again. What in the world does he want to tell me this time?!
“Mom! Big Brother won’t play with me!”
With hilarity, feeling a little bit mental by this point, I realize it has come full circle.
The Husband, psychologist by profession, jokes that raising kids is often like living with mental patients. At times like this I wholeheartedly agree.
What has been your craziest or most ridiculous “Mom shower” experience?